Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Momma Fears

For the past few weeks I have started having moments of crazy, irrational fears centering on Sadie.

Maybe it started when she started rolling over in her crib at night and I was (still am?) 100% certain she was going to smother herself? Maybe it started because I allow myself to read terrible stories about other mommas losing or having extremely sick babies? Maybe it's because I have read so much that says SIDS risks peek at 4 months? Maybe it's because I have read stories of women struggling to get pregnant and not being able to? Or when they finally are pregnant they have to go through the hell I can only image a miscarriage to be?

I find myself asking why did everything go so amazing for me? Why was I blessed that way? I almost feel bad for having it so good. And I guess I have this crazy fear that something bad is going to happen to Sadie one day. From what I can tell, I am not the first momma to have these fears... no, really, I'm not. Haha!

I know that I am doing the best that I can do to protect Sadie and that's all that matters. Because as much as I will always want to protect her from the ugly in life I wont always be able to. She is going to fall down and cry, she is going to not get her way and cry, she is going to get her heart broken and cry and all I'll be able to do is sit down and cry right along with her while reminding her how much I love her.

I suppose the good of these fears is that I cherish every single thing about her and every single moment with her that much more. Because the last thing I would want to do is take any of this for granted, that would be a severe injustice to all those hurting and struggling mommas out there.


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