No excuses

Y'all, as of last Saturday I have an eighteen month old. That's a six months away from a two year old. And I'm pretty sure I can count on one hand the number of posts I've done to help record the past six months of her life. I'm also pretty sure I can count on two hands the number of times I've broken my camera out to take pictures of said eighteen month old in the past six months.

I suppose that's life though, right?

I really wish I could come back with the "well I've been living life instead of recording it" excuse.

But I can't. 

Because honestly, the last six months have been pretty shitty. And the last two have been, well, they've been the cherry on top.

It hasn't been one thing in particular over another, and I suppose I could just say that it's life. But again, that's and excuse. And it's not like they have been consistently shitty, it's kinda like the hiccups just as soon as you think they are gone, one sneeks back up on you.

I feel like my house is a disaster because it's so cluttered. I'm sure if the average person walking into my house they would say I am crazy. But I see the clutter and it's all I see! There are just piles of crap that needs someplace to go but I don't have anywhere to put it and all I feel like I do is move one pile of junk around and arou d and never really DO anything with it.

Work has been work. It's been busy, which is good, I would rather be busy than not busy, but there have been a few weeks of straight up I can't do anything right to save my life moments. I feel like it is time for a change but I have no idea what kind of change. In general I am very happy where I am, but sometimes it's hard playing second fiddle everyfuckingday. I am totally aware I bring a lot of it on myself by what people misconceive as a bitchy attitude when it's actually I am incredibly insecure and incredidablly afraid of rejection.

Which brings me to all my personal issues that seem to of come to a head over the past few months. I'm not really sure I'm ready to delve into all that yet though. Basically it comes down to I need to work on my image issues and how I see myself. And I'm not talking about how I see myself in the mirror.

Robert and I have had our own turmoil to work through (still working through). A lot of it which I think comes from trying to figure out who and what we are beyond being Sadie's parents. I think it's just a season of change for us. We both know what our weak areas are and all they do is make our relationship weak. So, we're both working on strengthening those areas to strengthen our relationship. Which I hope makes us even stronger than before.

One of my favorite Pat Green songs says "life would be awfully boring if the good times were all that we had."

I hope that someday soon I can look back on these past few months and say, "wow, those really were some shitty times, but man look at the good that came out of it all."

Throughout all of this the one consistent I have had has been Sadie. She hasn't given me a hard time with much lately, maybe she realized her momma needed a break.

Just keeping it real, folks.